Neglect

by -

Fence

Hubby and I were ecstatic when we bought our home.  A contemporary gem with walls of windows in every room that looked out onto beautiful spaces, we couldn’t believe our good fortune.   While it had, as they say in real estate, “good bones”, it needed serious cosmetic help.

Multiple previous owners had each left their interior design stamp, layering on hideous wallpapers with different trims that defied logic.  And don’t get me started on the floors.  We had five different kinds of flooring, including three different carpets.

We knew that over time we could fix the inside.  We were thrilled that the outside was in great condition – beautifully landscaped, fence in good shape, solid retaining wall.   Eventually we were able to slowly renovate the inside to our liking.  It’s beautiful and we couldn’t be happier.

Until recently.

The once beautiful outside spaces had become a wasteland, the type you see in sci-fi movies, all gray with an assortment of broken things strewn about.  What was left of plant life was overgrown in many areas and barren in others. Hardly the view we wanted to enjoy from our walls of windows.

In all fairness to me and Hubby, neither of us have a green thumb nor do we have an interest in yard work.   Oh, we enjoy being in the yard. We just want someone else to take care of it.

The only plant life remaining was indestructible bamboo.  Some years ago, in an attempt to make a Zen-like retreat around the pool, we let a landscaper convince us that bamboo was the way to go.  He said it would require almost zero maintenance and would withstand the drastic temperature changes, especially the heat.  We were sold.

You all know where this is going.  Didn’t take long for the bamboo to take over.  Sure, it withstands any temperature.  In fact, we couldn’t kill it – and we tried.  Hubby regularly inspected our neighbors’ yard each week to make sure the bamboo wasn’t invading.

The real issue here was not the bamboo, although it’s a nice excuse.  Hubby and I had neglected the outside spaces, putting our finances towards travel and other home improvements.

How bad was it, you ask? The neighbors would creep down the alley in their cars, staring and shaking their heads. The once solid retaining wall had crumbled to dust and we feared sliding downhill into the neighbors’ house. The fence had weathered to an ugly gray and was barely standing.

Actually, it wasn’t standing at all. What was left of the fence was secured to the house with a variety of straps, two-by-fours and rocks.  Every night we’d watch the weather report for wind gust predictions, knowing that blowing out candles on a birthday cake would be more difficult than blowing our fence down.

Desperation set in as we waited for our turn on the fence company’s list, our wood-strapped-to-the-house contraption becoming even more of an eye-sore.  Hubby spent hours trying to secure the remaining boards and both of us tried to reassure the neighbors that we planned to replace the fence.

We had to view this ugliness every day from our walls of windows, we were sick of it and now we had to act quickly.

Why, oh why, did we let it get to this?

There are many reasons for neglecting something so important.  Money, time, hoping the problem will resolve itself.  That works for awhile, but at some point you have to take action.

How many of us neglect a job search when we already have a job?  We ignore that things may not be as good as we’d like at the office since we do have a salary and work.  Besides, it’s so much trouble to update the resume, work your network, and apply for jobs.  Sometimes we take the ostrich approach, like Hubby and I did with the fence, hoping that our resumes remain strong even if we fail to update them.

Problem with that approach – for either our fence or a job search – is that there comes a critical point where we simply must act.  A job search is not something you want to do under pressure if you can avoid it. Don’t neglect your job search skills until you’re desperate.  Keep an updated resume and stay in touch with your network.

Our new fence is great.  Now I’m working on my resume, just in case.

Balancing Act: My Love-Hate Relationship With Technology

by -

This year I succumbed to peer pressure and got an iPad.  Actually, Hubby bought me the iPad as a gift. He probably thought he would get to use it too, and actually loaded the connection to his email on the device. LOL! As if he would be able to pry it from my hands.

Truthfully, I wanted to be part of the “in” crowd, with the latest technology, even though I really wasn’t sure why I needed this device when my laptop and iPhone were always close at hand.

The benefits of this device?

–          I look cool and super-important while I surf the net at Starbucks

–          Shopping – of course I just had to get an awesome case for it – but I discovered that I can online shop just about anywhere now. Sweet!

–          My shoulder loves it! No need to struggle to carry the brick that’s my laptop when I travel, since my iPad allows me to stay connected, read attachments, etc.

–          Multi-tasking: watch TV, chat with Hubby and keep up with FB all from the comfort of the couch

The downside:

–          I. Am. Always. Connected.

How did I fall for this trap?  Wasn’t it enough to own a smart phone, that’s almost surgically attached to my hand?

This wonderful, yet wicked, device with its awesome technology added another layer of complexity to my already action-packed life.  While I’m not a true follower of the zodiac, I do believe I have some traits of my sign.  As a Libra (the Scale), I really prefer that things are balanced.   I am passionate about my work as well as my personal life, and I don’t want one getting more attention than the other.  Yes there are times when one is busier.  But that’s OK; I can handle chaos at work if home is calm. Likewise, chaos at home is fine as long as work is calm.   But with all this connectivity, it seems like I’m never able to enjoy the calm.

Work is always on fire. Part of that is my chosen profession and while I love it, I’m making a note to myself: next career, try to pick something that’s not always a fire-drill.    Hubby/family/friends are a top priority at home.  Layer on top of that my passion for writing, including my recently published book, and I find myself always out of balance, running from one project to the next without any down-time.

It’s definitely harder to balance the three-legged stool of work-home-personal projects.  Yet there has to be a way to do it.  I’ve said before that the obvious solution would be to eliminate something.  For me, it’s been more difficult since I experienced being laid off.  The fear of being without a job is still top of mind, so I push myself to do more in the same amount of time.  Definitely a losing proposition.

My goal now is to try and create boundaries that allow for all areas of my life.  I don’t know how I’m going to achieve this, but it’s worth fighting for.  We all need to take breaks – even just an evening off, or a whole day if possible.  And vacations that take me away from it all are a must!

I’ve started to wean myself from connectivity for short periods of time.  After all, I’m not the leader of the free world so I doubt that I’m really needed at any second of the day. Not peeking at an electronic device is much harder than I thought.  Hubby and I try to hide our smart phones while dining so we can focus on each other, although we slip sometimes.  Slowly I’m getting used to not bringing my iPad, including the fun case, when I go for coffee, hoping that I’ll sip my beverage and clear my mind.

Baby steps, I tell myself.  Baby steps.

Zombie Spinning

by -

It sounded like a good idea at the time.  Hubby had been doing it for months and suggested I join him at an early morning spin class at the gym.  With class starting before the sun came up, I thought I could get my exercise for the day with plenty of time to get ready for work.  Sounded like a plan to me.

Before I go further, let me state that I have never been a morning person.  I love the morning; it’s just that my body clock seems best suited for staying up late and consequently, sleeping late.  In the evening, when most people are slowing down, I’m getting my second wind.  If I’m not careful, I find myself gaining energy and forgetting about the late hour.   

The challenge, though, is making time for the gym in the evening.  Sometimes it’s hard to put things down, get home, eat dinner, walk the dog and get to the gym before it closes.  Yeah, I know – we should probably join a 24-hour gym.  But ours is convenient and you know that’s a big factor when it comes to working out.

So Hubby’s invitation to get up early was intriguing.  He’s also a late-night person, and I figured if he could get up early for the gym then so could I.  My alarm was set, I’d picked out my clothes for the morning, I was in bed at a decent hour – this should work, I thought. 

As soon as my head hit the pillow the alarm went off.  At least that’s the way it felt to me.  Peeking one eye out from the covers, I noticed it was still night time.  Dang phone alarm – must be broken.  I hit the obnoxious thing and it stopped buzzing.   Yet ten minutes later it went off again.  Looking more closely, I realized that it was time to get up for the gym.  Ugh – why did I agree to this? 

I fumbled around and got ready, splashing cold water on my face, rubbing my eyes, touching my toes – anything to try and wake up.  “Hubby, are you ready?” I asked.  Zzzzzzzzz – was all I heard in the dark bedroom.   “I’m not going this morning,” he said. “I stayed up too late last night.”  Are you kidding me?  Here I am, up, dressed and barely conscious, so we can have a bonding experience at the gym and you’ve decided to sleep-in?  

I decided to go anyway.  It seemed wrong to be at the gym to watch the sun rise, but there were a few cars in the lot.   Most of the spin bikes were already occupied with people peddling away as though being chased by a rabid dog – and the class hadn’t started yet.  In a daze, I found an open bike and sat down, pretending to be awake.  I wondered if they served coffee – now that would be a plus.

“Okay everyone – let’s spin!” the instructor shouted.  “Turn your dials up!  Now jump!  Let’s sprint!”  Sprint?  To where?  While spinning is a great work out, it’s also an exercise in frustration. You pedal for an hour and never get anywhere.   I was pedaling for all I was worth yet still in the gym. 

Sweating profusely yet happy that I was getting my workout done, I was convinced the class was half over. Glancing at my watch I realized we’d only been spinning for 10 minutes.   I closed my eyes and tried to listen to the music; I think I actually fell asleep while pedaling.  My legs were numb and my eyes were only half open. 

Who are these people at the gym in the wee hours of the morning?  And the instructor was way too happy for such an early hour.   She’s the same ultra-bendy person who tries to teach me yoga, and who I had just seen at the gym less than twelve hours earlier.  I’m convinced that she’s a very attractive zombie – zombies don’t ever sleep, do they?

This is why I don’t accept a job that requires me to be at work at an early hour.  I’m not productive early in the morning, even in an exercise class with music blaring.  It’s important to know one’s strengths and weaknesses, and I am fully aware that my body clock doesn’t wake up early.  No amount of caffeine will do; it’s best if I work at a company that allows me to arrive at a decent hour.

No zombie jobs for me; I’m looking for something with a 9:00 start time.  And no spinning involved.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Naked Thoughts

by -

Unless I’m in a medically induced coma, turning off my mind so I can relax is next to impossible. My mind is constantly on the go, the ultimate multi-tasker, running rampant as it hops from one thought to the next.   I’m envious of Hubby who seems to have no problem putting his mind to rest. Simply turn on the TV and viola! Instant relaxation. Must be a guy-thing.

As a result, getting away from our daily grind of home, consulting and thinking about new opportunities is very important to me.  Visiting our favorite resort provides me with some relaxation as we spend the majority of our time in a poolside cabana.  This year Hubby suggested that we indulge in a couples massage.  “Come on,” he pleaded. “It will be so relaxing.”   I looked at him like he had sprouted a second head, asking “Uh, have you met me? You know I can’t keep my mind still for five minutes much less an hour”.  Persistence paid off for Hubby as I reluctantly agreed to the extravagance.

I’ve got to give the resort spa credit – I felt a bit like royalty as I indulged in a pre-massage sauna and shower, slipped into a luxurious bathrobe and slippers, then sipped herbal tea in the pre-treatment “relaxation room” while waiting for my massage “therapist”. 

My therapist was very calm, with the softest voice as she escorted me to the massage parlor – I mean “room”.  Thank goodness Hubby was already there; it would have been humiliating if they had mistakenly paired me with someone else.   “What kind of oil would you enjoy?” asked my therapist. “This one promotes balance, this one energy, this one peace…” and the list went on.  I chose “balance” simply because I gagged at the other scents. 

“Relax,” whispered the therapist.  Oh yeah, I thought. Like it’s totally normal to have a stranger rub smelly oil that’s supposed to promote “balance” all over my naked body.  Yes, technically I’m not naked all at one time, but the whole idea of being in a dimly lit room, naked, with candles and incense and other smells, naked, with a stranger rubbing oil on me is just not normal.  Did I mention the part about being naked?  Sure, there’s a sheet, but honestly that little piece of see-through muslin isn’t fooling anyone.

Trying to find my mental “happy place”, I took a deep breath, telling my mind to quiet down and enjoy the moment.  Yet my mind resisted.  How could I quiet my mind with a stranger kneading my butt, which by then was classified as an oil slick by OPEC?  There was so much oil I was afraid I’d have to pay an environmental fine.

Side one finished and my mind was still in high-action mode as I awkwardly tried to flip to my other side without falling off the narrow table.  Attempting to calm my mind and be peaceful, I tried again to go to my “happy place”.  I actually heard Hubby snoring as his therapist kneaded his butt.  Honestly, how can you sleep through this, I thought? I told my mind to listen to the peaceful, soothing music.  It was slow and soft, mainly a flute and some other instruments I couldn’t identify.  Instead of relaxing to the peaceful unidentifiable music, my mind’s thinking, “Who writes this stuff?”  I can’t imagine listening to it on the car radio; highway traffic would come to a standstill since we’d all fall asleep or go insane with the constant chiming and chanting.

Still attempting to find peace during this experience, I tried breathing slowly and deeply, counting sheep, counting backwards from 100, saying “ohm” – anything to calm my busy mind.  This is why I don’t meditate.  My mind is unable to be still for even a nanosecond. 

Finally, peace came.  I was so relaxed, the smell of the oil had become a pleasant aroma rather than an offensive odor, my muscles were enjoying being rubbed and massaged and I was ready to enjoy the rest of my time in the treatment room. 

“Thank you for coming,” the therapist said.  “We’ve left you some water and a treat, and will be waiting for you outside the door.”  What??? Wait, my mind is finally quieted and you’re leaving me? Come back, rub some more oil on me – I promise I won’t wince at the smell! 

Sigh. And just like that my mind woke up again.  I would like to think that my busy mind is brilliant, but I know better. It’s just busy.  At least it’s not naked.

© Tami Cannizzaro 2012 All Rights Reserved

Time is a Funny Thing

by -

Time is a funny thing.  Seems like it either moves too slowly or too fast; never at the right speed. 
When I was a kid, time seemed to move at a snail’s pace during the school year.  Especially around Christmas.  As soon as Thanksgiving was over, mom and dad would start decorating and shopping.  Sis and I started counting the weeks, days and minutes until Christmas.  It was both exciting and agonizing.  Once the brightly wrapped presents came out, we could hardly contain ourselves, pleading with mom to let us open just one present early.
After the holidays, time seemed to come to a screeching halt. All I could see were the endless months of school ahead.  It was hideous.  Despite that I was a good student and basically enjoyed school, it still seemed never-ending.
When the final bell rang on classes I’d run home, thinking about the long, glorious summer months that lay ahead.  Sleeping late, swimming, bike riding, skating and watching cartoons with no responsibilities. It was awesome!  Yet with the blink of an eye, it would be time for school again.
The older I got, the faster time moved.  At college, school became a year-round task, measured by semesters and short breaks.  Summers were fun but definitely not care-free since I attended summer school each year.  A normal class load on steroids is not, by definition, fun.  Gone were the illusions that Christmas was light years away. 
When the lay-off hit, the first thing I thought of – aside from looking for work – is that I would finally get some time.  Time to do the things I’d been putting off, clean the closets, hit the gym, connect with old friends, finish at least a dozen projects that were in various stages of completion and of course, relax.  Others told me to be careful, that time moved slowly without work and that I’d get bored.  Something must be wrong with me because I’ve never been bored. During the first few months I was the busiest non-working person ever. Hubby and I joked that it’s hard to believe we ever had time to work with all the other stuff there was to do.  Time just flew by.
As I took on consulting gigs and assorted part-time work, once again time became a blessing and a curse.  Productivity went up the busier I became, yet personal satisfaction decreased as I was stretched so thin.  Gym work-outs became 15 minutes – if that – and personal goals were put on the back-burner.
The constant struggle to focus on career, look for a new job, and/or build a consulting business, make money in the meantime, and find time for family – that’s where I’m at now. 
To top it off, my one day each week that’s supposed to be dedicated to working on personal goals has become a fire-drill for the umpteen other things that I’m trying to juggle.  It’s hard to eliminate any of the items on my plate as they are all meant to help my career.  And it’s frustrating.
Maybe I should develop a time machine or other contraption that would slow things down, allow me to savor the moments.
Despite the time crunch, there are plenty of positives.  The good news is that I’m vertical.  And I’ve got options.  Too many options, but at least I’m engaged in the game of life.  I’m happy to have things to keep me busy, as I hear from others in the workforce that they are worried about their jobs as work slows down in this economy. I need to remember this when I get frustrated.
Yes, time is a funny thing.
© Tami Cannizzaro 2011 All Rights Reserved